I came to realised that the one i like was you. Not him.

The good and the bad

I wish , i had never meet you . Then there would be no need to impress you . No need to want you , no need for loving you . No need for crying over you . no need for heartbreaks , no need for pain or tears . No need for forgotten promises , no need for rejected hugs . No need for crying myself to sleep . No need for acting like you care . No need , for everything you've done to make me feel like absoutely , nothing . But then again , im glad i did meet you . Cos you were the one who always asked me if anything was wrong . You were the one who loved me for me . the one who cared when everyone else didn't . The one who listened . The one who stay up late just to talk bout the ramdomest shit ever . You were the one who i told secrets to . The one who thought me new things . The one who laughed at my bad jokes . The one who did things , just for me 

On the 18th November 2011, i wrote this to you. 

Last but not least , My best boy de friend , meow ~

Hi meoww ! Don't be angry if you're the last that im writing this to you okay ! You'll always be the most grateful person in my life . Thanks for killing your brain cells just to think of a joke to let me feel happy . Thanks for cheering me up . You've always been a great listening ear to me. You never fail to make me smile . You'll do anything in order to cheer me up . You don't mind me spamming you in whatsapp just to vent my anger when i seriously angry . You let me cry all i want , and you just kept quiet till i cry finish and you started talking nicely to me again , hoping that i'll cool down , and stop thinking of all the stupid things . Thanks for all the late nights you've ever accompanied me through . Talking rubbish , listening to all my craps . And don't forget my Sogurt okay ! Hhahah ! Love fu too ! ♥

They told me "One day, he wouldn't be sad over you anymore. The only girl that would make him upset and getting worried on, is the girl that isn't like you. Not as plain as you. And its a girl that he can go truefully happy with, without time constrain, not clingy. And the one he really love with his entire soul. It's just another that make him get over you, and you wouldn't be on his mind anymore."

I screenshot down everything whenever I feel blessed which I know it would be hard to come by in the future when we were still together. Cool


Who was the one who said he would never let go when I said "let go of me!" Whenever we're holding hands?

Who was the one who was so afraid to lose me even when we're not together yet?

Who was the one who said that having me was the greatest thing? But now, without me being by your side, you are more happy.

Who was the one who feel so appreciated whenever I care for him? But who was the one who finds that I care too much and feel irritated as times goes by? 

Who?

Who was the one who was so attached to me? And as times goes by, slowly drifting away from me, and in return, I got more attached to you. 

Who was the one that would proudly announced that he miss me in social media? Who was not afraid to show his sweetness and his love. Who was the one that gave me an unlimited amount of love?

Who was the one who smiled whenever he received my message?

You tweeted me this...

Who was the one that was afraid of me ending the relationship?

Who was the one that accept for who I am? Understood the situation of me without a phone and stand by me patiently? 

who was the one that will always say goodnight to me every night, without fail, on Twitter? And auto tweeting me.

Who was the one who was happy to have me?

 Who was the one who was afraid that I'm getting tired of him? But who was the one that get tired of me first?

Who was the one that was so afraid of me being so tired? And have no mood to sit for my exam/study.

The last long text that you sent me.

Who? Who was the one that gave me so much memories and leave me standing alone right now? Who was the one that said all this thing making me feel so blessed? Everything was said by you. And ending this relationship was your choice. I wish you would take a look back at all this and remember what you once said and do to me.

As times goes by, who was the one who is drifting away from me? Who was the one that slowly stop saying "I miss you" to me? Who was the one that got so shag and pissed whenever my name lights up on the phone? Who was the one that said even when the world ends, I have him by my side?

But in the end, who was the one who slowly stop doing all this thing, stopped fighting for me and our love.

Who pursued our love in the first place? You did. Who gave up on me and our love? You did.

Who was the one that started developing feelings for me? You. Whose feelings started fading after 3 years? Yours.

It's all you, you and you. It's just you.

I'm so upset. I miss all this moments. The moments with you. The memories which I've created with you for the past 3 years. I think of our memories everyday. We created so much memories, that whenever I go, it's impossible not to think till you. 

You've no idea how important you and this relationship to me and how this relationship left a big impact on me. From the starting, 

Friends

Best friend

Lovers

I miss how everything used to be between us. The stages and things we've been through, do you still remember? If you've forgotten it, I guess I'm just not important to you from the start.

And in the end....

Strangers. Strangers this word just best to describe us.

I don't know how you're doing, what are you doing currently, when are you going NS. And whatever that concerns you.

I wonder if i still appear in your mind from time to time.

I remember you telling me that March you would be going to get your car license. I know you can do it one shot. Because you're so good with cars.

All the best meow, see you in the future if we've turn better for each other and if, and only if we're meant to be. 

It definitely feels different without you. First valentine and CNY without you after 3 years. All this special and happy occasion you were always with me. Abit curious to see your new year ootd tomorrow.
Suddenly kind of... Miss you.

Hi boy, Happy Valentine's Day. Still remember last year this day, how did we spent it together? I remembered.
I miss you so much out of a sudden. I wish you were still here to celebrate Valentine's day together. This year would be the 4th time we celebrate valentine's together.
Do you still think of me at this occassion. Remembered how we spent in for the past 3 years? Remember the presents, the meal we had?
I got so upset when i isee people posting pictures of how their boyf surprise them today and how they spent it. I wish i was able to post mine too.

But you ain't here with me anymore...

I wished you were there last night. But on the other hand, I wish you wasn't there too. Because i know somehow, in some ways, i'll get affected by your presence, and i wouldn't be able to enjoy myself there, being all awkward.
If we were still together, yesterday prolly i wouldn't feel so left out because they have their bunch of friends which they knew through clubbing, and im all alone, standing at the barbecue pit cooking with wen.
I guess with you i'll just stay inside the air-coned living room waiting for you to cook finish my food. Haha. Pathetic me thinking so much. And you'll be behind me, afraid that i'll fall when i climb high up to paste those decorations.
In re lian qi times, you'll prolly stop me from doing almost everything, pumping balloons, climbing high nearing to celing to paste decorations, standing infront of the hot barbecue pit to cook food. You would have done everything for me and me being just a princess.
Such memories, such thinkings. But wouldn't happen anymore...