Whatever will be , will be

I find myself constantly chasing after you. Wanting to find out how's your day. Why can't I be the one be chased at times? In a relationship, is there always one of the partner giving more and receiving less  back? And often I broke down because I fail to understand your thoughts and what you're feeling. Meeting you should be a happy thing isn't it? But why is it that after I met you for 10 minutes just now, my mood completely change. Is it that difficult to spent that 10 minutes to send me to bus stop, when you have a few hours with your friends?

Sometimes I wonder if my understanding is being taken advantage. Doesn't mean that Everytime I tell you it's okay, I'm really okay with things. I forced myself to be understanding even if I really don't want to. I don't want to be such a petty women infront of you, getting angry, jealous and crying infront of you. At times I really tried my best not to cry Infront of you. I did it. The moment after you turn your back at me, tears just burst out. 

At times I really wanted to be angry with you, but I know if I'm angry at you, we will start quarreling, and you'll push everything to yourself "okay don't say alr my fault okay." I want you to know what I'm angry at. Not you pushing all the blame to yourself and end up both of us not contacting each other for days. Even now if we quarrel, I don't want to be the one that keep bothering you and texting you when I know you won't even reply and don't give a single shit, waiting there like a idiot. I'm just gonna wait till one day when you will text me after you've cool down like 1 days? 2 day? 1 week? Or even a month. 我累了。

Is is so difficult to send me a sweet text once in awhile? I alr accept that you don't do that everyday, monthsary. Everytime I ask you to do something sweet, you will go like "you know me one ah"

Okay then forgg it I don't want it anymore. Last time you used to be sweet. Slowly after that you stopped and start saying this sentence whenever I ask you to reply me with something sweet. What? I even have to request you to be sweet? 

Well, maybe I'm really the one that is not understanding enough and expect too much. 

URGH. I just need to rant.

Till then.