Feeling so guilty for blasting out at boyf. Im really guilty. Why am i so stupid and harsh. Why he stop already yet i wanted to continue. Gosh wtf is fucking wrong with me. Im feeling so guilty right now. Crying while typing this. What can i do when such things happen. Cry. The only thing is to cry. I dont know im sick or what. But everytime when i quarrel with boyf, i tend to cry and hit the pillow and beat things Whenever boyf say, leave him alone. Im so afraid. So afraid that the history will happen again. No matter what happen, i would always said it's my fault. Am i not matured enough. Why am i causing so much troubles to boyf. The wave had stopped. But why is that the wind is coming again, causing more problems. Ohmyfucking gosh what is wrong with me.
But when i say sorry to boyf, i really mean it. I said sorry, because im afraid to lose him, im not ready to lose him. Im not. He mean so much to me.
Wanted to give him a pick up surprise tomorrow morning. But it seems that everything is not going to happen. Sorry boyf. Im really sorry for blasting at you.
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